FIGHTING THY SELF



As turned off the engine of my bike upon finally arriving at my destination, after a short yet seemingly long ride, owing to the thoughts bashing my brain space, I couldn’t gather the courage to put my feet on the ground to get off. It was as if an anchor was holding me down to my position, forbidding me from making a single move, constantly telling me to “Think”. There was an ongoing scuffle in my head as I tried to reason myself into choosing one of the two roads that existed in front of me.
It’s not exactly always a matter of life-and-death when you have to choose in your life, neither was this situation; yet, it was a matter of regret and gratification. I had no possible way of finding out the unknown, of finding out what might my life conclude into on choosing the other path. The torturous moment was gazing at me with a look colder than that of a shrewd cat, as if shouting to me: “I will strike you with all the force in just a couple of moments”. As I lay curled up in my bed, hugging my knees, trying to form a cage around, trying to close my eyes and let fate decide, for I didn’t have the courage to single out the path to walk on, I was falling into the arms of the situation gradually.
It’s very easy to fight someone in front of you, but how do you fight the voices inside of you? All the turmoil could pilot me only towards a single consolation I saw in front if myself. With a dysfunctional sense of decision making, all that finally did relax me was a decision to confide into the sanity and serenity of my loved ones, ones who knew what I was and what was good for me. A simple bow in front of the almighty and restoring faith in fate could bring me to a stable point, not that I became sane, since nothing has been able to do that. I do still remain the goofy and insanely imbalanced person as ever, but yes, sometimes, asking for help can get you a referee for the wrestles that the voices of head can get into.
P.S. – this only works in case of trouble. If you are also amongst those who like to argue with yourself upon questions like what to think, you are as big as a goner as me. Enjoy the insanity ;)



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